...so i touched it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
