shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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