yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
