you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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