i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
