I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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