i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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