Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
