Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize