I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
