the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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