Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
they need to just BURY HIM!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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