in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
