to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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