i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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