My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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