you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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