It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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