I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
