What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
