I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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