i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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