He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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