I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
