eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
