Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
