You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
