I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize