pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
