We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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