Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
