I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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