she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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