i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
