this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
