Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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