I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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