All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
