i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
