Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
