Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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