Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize