i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
