I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
