You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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