Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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