I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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