I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
