I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
