What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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