fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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