My friends, they love my intelligence
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
