Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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