Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
