people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
