my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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