My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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