Jerry, you need to find god
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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