It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
