in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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