Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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