His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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