When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
