My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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