Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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