ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar