Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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