my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize