I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos