This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
