My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
