WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
