Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
