He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
