Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
