I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
