Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
