so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
there is glitter all over my balls
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
