i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
