You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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