I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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