So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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