How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
