What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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